Lately I have not felt like myself, and have not had much motivation to blog. Right now I’m in one of those ruts where it’s very difficult to motivate myself to do anything, especially school work. I’m burned out.
Art school is demanding. No matter how creative you are or how much you love art, you’ll reach a point that you will feel like you’ve been sucked dry of imagination. It’s not that it is hard, but you’ve crossed the line between something you used to do for enjoyment to something you are now doing to make money. Then there is the criticism that makes my eyes roll so far back into my head. It’s not that I can’t handle constructive criticism. I feel it is necessary in life so that we can grow as people. Yet, I do not believe we should change who we are to meet the approval of others nor should we change our artwork to suit the likes of others. There have been several times I’ve had to scrap projects and do them all over again just to meet the satisfaction of a Professor even though I put a lot of effort into my project. Art is subjective, or so I thought. So I began to question myself and if I am doing the right thing. Is my artwork good enough to not be bad, but not good enough to be great? Then my confidence goes out the window and I start doing things the way other people want them rather then what I want to do.
Then comes the peer comparisons. There will always be people who are better at something then you are. As an Artist you must acknowledge and accept this from the beginning. Comparing yourself to others is discouraging. Competing with others is unproductive. Being pretentious and full of yourself is ignorant. Admitting that you make mistakes, learning from them, and continuously working to improve yourself is honorable.
In times of frustration it is important to remember this.
I will most likely be on a short hiatus for the rest of this month because of school. It is usually a little difficult to juggle both school and work, but this month it seems impossible. Right now I am tackling the class that I feared the most, math. It has always been my least favorite subject and my worst. Although this is called a “basic” college math class, it seems to encompass way more then the basics. The class touches on geometry, probability and statistics, graphing, algebra, etc. There is also a PowerPoint presentation I must complete for a scavenger hunt assignment as well as a library research project. The scavenger hunt took me HOURS. Those hours could have and should have been dedicated to learning the required material. I’m not too concerned about the research project because I actually get to do something some what creative.
Anyway, this is week two of the class and I already feel burnt out. I tried to approach this class with an open mind. My goal is to maintain my 4.0 and I’m not so sure that is possible at this point. After not taking a math class for about 12 years I feel like all of the information I retained and still know is really all of the information I need to know. Having basic math skills and some knowledge of how to manage money is necessary but the rest of the things you learn in math class do not apply to daily life. At least they do not apply to my daily life.
As I sat down last night and started working on re-learning fractions I thought to myself, “wow, this is not as hard as I remember.” Twenty minutes in I just wanted to rip my hair out. I realized that it is not that I can’t learn math, it is just that I don’t want to. My brain just shuts off no matter how hard I try to concentrate. I transpose numbers incorrectly and find myself needing to pull out the calculator just to check simple problems like 9×7= whatever. Is there such a thing as math ADD? If so, I think I may have it.
Only 20 more days left of this torture.
I went out on a limb and made a YouTube video explaining a little more about myself.
This is another school project I had to do last week. The assignment was to take a survey that determines your character strengths, pick the top five, and create an image that represents them. My top strengths are judgement, appreciation of beauty and excellence, love of learning, honesty, and perspective. I believe that for the most part they are accurate. Here is a link to the survey if anyone is interested: http://www.viacharacter.org/survey/Account/Register
In my Psychology of Play class our first project was to touch on what our play personalities are. I whipped up the two drawings below to show my Artist/Creator side and Storyteller personality. Of course, I added cats to each!