Lately I have not felt like myself, and have not had much motivation to blog. Right now I’m in one of those ruts where it’s very difficult to motivate myself to do anything, especially school work. I’m burned out.
Art school is demanding. No matter how creative you are or how much you love art, you’ll reach a point that you will feel like you’ve been sucked dry of imagination. It’s not that it is hard, but you’ve crossed the line between something you used to do for enjoyment to something you are now doing to make money. Then there is the criticism that makes my eyes roll so far back into my head. It’s not that I can’t handle constructive criticism. I feel it is necessary in life so that we can grow as people. Yet, I do not believe we should change who we are to meet the approval of others nor should we change our artwork to suit the likes of others. There have been several times I’ve had to scrap projects and do them all over again just to meet the satisfaction of a Professor even though I put a lot of effort into my project. Art is subjective, or so I thought. So I began to question myself and if I am doing the right thing. Is my artwork good enough to not be bad, but not good enough to be great? Then my confidence goes out the window and I start doing things the way other people want them rather then what I want to do.
Then comes the peer comparisons. There will always be people who are better at something then you are. As an Artist you must acknowledge and accept this from the beginning. Comparing yourself to others is discouraging. Competing with others is unproductive. Being pretentious and full of yourself is ignorant. Admitting that you make mistakes, learning from them, and continuously working to improve yourself is honorable.
In times of frustration it is important to remember this.
When I decided to start blogging my goal was to commit to at least one post a week and to visit my Followers sites to comment and support them. Unfortunately, with the class that I was taking last month it was virtually impossible. This particular class, Digital Story Boarding, was very demanding. The assignments took days and hours. It was incredibly frustrating and the first time since I started school that I seriously considered stopping. I felt like a machine and drawing wasn’t fun anymore. I pushed myself with the help of my Husband and made it through. Yesterday was the start of my next class, which seems like the work load is very light. Next month I’ll actually have 2 classes at the same time, so perhaps it is a break.
I thought I’d share my work throughout this past month.
I will most likely be on a short hiatus for the rest of this month because of school. It is usually a little difficult to juggle both school and work, but this month it seems impossible. Right now I am tackling the class that I feared the most, math. It has always been my least favorite subject and my worst. Although this is called a “basic” college math class, it seems to encompass way more then the basics. The class touches on geometry, probability and statistics, graphing, algebra, etc. There is also a PowerPoint presentation I must complete for a scavenger hunt assignment as well as a library research project. The scavenger hunt took me HOURS. Those hours could have and should have been dedicated to learning the required material. I’m not too concerned about the research project because I actually get to do something some what creative.
Anyway, this is week two of the class and I already feel burnt out. I tried to approach this class with an open mind. My goal is to maintain my 4.0 and I’m not so sure that is possible at this point. After not taking a math class for about 12 years I feel like all of the information I retained and still know is really all of the information I need to know. Having basic math skills and some knowledge of how to manage money is necessary but the rest of the things you learn in math class do not apply to daily life. At least they do not apply to my daily life.
As I sat down last night and started working on re-learning fractions I thought to myself, “wow, this is not as hard as I remember.” Twenty minutes in I just wanted to rip my hair out. I realized that it is not that I can’t learn math, it is just that I don’t want to. My brain just shuts off no matter how hard I try to concentrate. I transpose numbers incorrectly and find myself needing to pull out the calculator just to check simple problems like 9×7= whatever. Is there such a thing as math ADD? If so, I think I may have it.
Only 20 more days left of this torture.
I went out on a limb and made a YouTube video explaining a little more about myself.
As the final week of my fourth class wraps up, I let out a sign of relief. I am so glad this one is finally over! This month was incredibly tough for me. Before I started this Art History class, I believed that I would enjoy it. As long as it is not math, I figured I was prepared to handle anything. This class just flat out frustrated me. The workload was similar to every other class, yet I found myself stumbling through this one. Like the other classes at Full Sail, this one required a lot of writing. I don’t mind writing and I feel that I am able to write about any subject once I get into the flow. During this class I found myself typing out a few sentences, going back and deleting them, re-typing them, and after an hour or so I’d be lucky if I managed to write one paragraph. It is not that it was particularly hard, I just could not decide on what to write. My Husband said my problem is that I am looking for the right answer and in reality, there is no right answer. I agree, I believe that art is subjective. Each of us are drawn to certain things about an art piece. What I see, others may not, and vice versa.
I understand the importance of an Art History class especially when you are majoring in art. There are certain things in composition and techniques used that are great to know. I admit that I did learn some things that will benefit my career in the future, but it did not make it any more enjoyable.
It is virtually impossible to learn about the ENTIRE history of art in four weeks and actually retain that information. Somehow Full Sail is able to mush it all together. Maybe my opinion is biased, and I’d actually like the class if I had enough time to digest it all. Again, the best thing about Full Sail is the fact that the classes are so short that you only have to deal with them for a month and then move on to the next.
I’ll be more inclined to dissect the composition of a piece of art next time I visit a museum. Usually, I’d look at a piece and would base judgement on it by first sight. If it was not visually appealing to me, I would not take a second glance. If there is one thing I learned during this class, it is to pay attention to the finer details.
Tuesday is the start of Designing Computer Graphics. This class is geared towards my major, so I am really looking forward to it!